Ya’ll have heard about and maybe even watched “Murder on Elm Street!” They say it’s a True-Life Crime Story! Wellllll, I may be contacting a Screenwriter about the latest, the greatest… “HORROR ON HACKBERRY DRIVE! It will surely sell out in movie theaters every where!
It all started years ago when I frequently seemed to run into little old lady after little old lady with make up, but I noticed a serious application problem. You know those coloring books that three year olds color…? The ones where every picture is colored outside the lines? I began noticing their eye liner was all over the place. Their eye shadow was like a twice-baked potatoe that exploded.over and their lipstick looked like a kid applied it. In my young mind, I kept thinking “How in the world did she get out of the door like that? I mean, didn’t she NOTICE HOW HORRIBLE her make up looked before she went out in public? Did she bother to even look in a MIRROR?” Little did I know THOSE WORDS would come back to haunt me and Yes, even BITE ME IN THE BUTT!
I. AM. SWIFTLY. MOVING. TOWARDS. THAT. “LITTLE. OLD. LADY!”
After we left Albuquerque, NM and moved to Chandler, Arizona I was 58 years young! I started noticing my vision deteriorating when I turned 50, and the numbers on my readers were creeping higher and higher. Just looking in the mirror to apply my make up was starting to become a challenge. YIKES. To make matters worse, my daughter took one look at a couple of expensive necklace sets I had crafted where the stones had to be set perfectly into the insets and to my surprise, she told me they were crooked! Like, A LOT! I wasn’t sure I believed her until I grabbed my magnifying glass and to my surprise, she was RIGHT! I was devastated! Thats when I went straight to JoAnn’s Fabrics and bought myself an OTT LIGHT with a light and a magnifier. ( I couldn’t have my jewelry making skills subpar, no way-no how)! And, the light? it’s been an absolute God Send!
Now for the sake of all things holy, I needed to pay attention to this make up dilemma I’d witnessed on these dear, sweet little old ladies! The movie screen in my mind went flashing back to every single one of them with face makeup nightmares. So I had my husband order me none other than a 10 X MAGNIFYING MIRROR! TEN “X”! Little did I know that I was in for the SURPRISE OF MY LIFE! I had no unearthly idea what I was in for. NOT. ONE. SINGLE. SOLITARY. BIT!
I was super excited to go where no one has ever gone before, or so I THOUGHT! I set that pretty baby up on my brand spanking new silver makeup table with pride, and flipped that light on. One quick look and instantaneously I got depressed. WHO IN GOD’S GREEN EARTH IS THIS LOOKING BACK AT ME and WHEN in the hell did THIS happen? Where did all of these craters and pot holes come from? Huge pores, age spots and lines so deep anything could disappear in them and never be seen again?! I was so stunned, I didn’t turn the mirror back on for weeks on end…(okay a couple years)… except for plucking out those noxious chin hairs that pop up out of no where to irritate the dickens out of us.
And then it happened. I recently had friends visit from New Mexico and Utah. In casual conversation, Abigail said…(I changed her name to protect the innocent)…Anyway, Abigail casually said, “I use my 10 X mirror when applying my makeup.”. Hmmmmm, it suddenly occurred to me…. Had Abi noticed how atrocious I look close up and was that a polite way of saying, “Carole, it’s time! YOU NEED TO also.” Well, I’d braved that mirror several times after make up applications and OMG! I wanted to hurl! Back in the 70’s we had a saying we used frequently: “Barf in a Bag and Send it Airmail!” (We used this phrase when referring to something gross or disgusting). ONE LOOK and over and over again those words played on repeat in my mind and those little old lady makeup faces flashed on my memory bank: BARF IN A BAG AND SEND IT AIRMAIL!!!
I cannot and will not become an object of scorn. I’ve lived in denial long enough. Because, in all reality this aging thing…it is what it is! Like it or not. May as well, make the best of it! So,… I used the 10 X mirror today in all of her glory to apply my make up. It was long. It was painstaking. But it was worth it. Smooth lines, eye shadow blended, lips lined to perfection. I have this. And YOU DO TOO! Order the Mirror. Accept the inevitable. Turn that sucker on and get to applying before you meet each day! It’s WORTH IT! YOU’RE WORTH IT! And besides, the TRUTH IS, we’ve EARNED every last one of these BEAUTIFUL wrinkles! And,…WE’RE BEAUTIFUL NO. MATTER. WHAT!
