Jealousy is Rooted in Insecurity

There are very few people, if any at all, that haven’t experienced JEALOUSY at some point in their lives. That green monster crops up out of seemingly no where, and bears its ugly head! It’s laden with bitterness that leaves you asking yourself…How is it fair that they just went on my dream vacation that I’ve been waiting to go on my entire life? And what the heck is this? They just bought a brand spanking new home and here I am in this dilapidated mess?! I’ve been wanting to move for two decades! And how is it they are twenty years younger than me, and seem to be doing so well financially? I’ve worked my entire life and I’m lucky to put food on the table. They seem to have such a great marriage! Here I am and my wife and I are arguing at the drop of a hat! How is it they just bought a new boat, a new car, or a motor home? It’s just not fair…

Jealousy also extends to character traits, beauty, personality, social status, accolades, awards & promotions at work.  She must really think she’s something. She has the perfect body, gorgeous hair, and wears all of the latest designer clothes! It must be nice. I’ve been passed over several times for that promotion. It’s just not fair! What does she have that I don’t?! Anyway, you get the picture!

When jealousy comes on the scene, it’s often accompanied by bitterness or resentment.  We immediately start comparing our lives with the one we are jealous of and often start coveting who they are or what they have.  These feelings have the tendency to bring out the very worst in us.  And let me remind you that there’s a blatant reason that COMPARISON IS ONE OF THE GREATEST THEIFS OF JOY THAT’S EVER LIVED. Nothing will steal our joy more quickly than coveting what someone else has.

Jealousy fosters massive discontentment and deep feelings of unthankfulness. It causes us to wish for things we don’t have, or at least, imagine we don’t have.  We start pondering our own lives as being unfair and unjust.  Jealousy causes us to focus on our lack and what we don’t have, which is why we begin to feel discontented and like life has handed us a raw deal.  It causes uncertainty and anxiety about oneself and is a blatant lack of confidence.

Have you ever pondered that certain pictures posted on Social Media, Facebook or Instagram do not tell a complete story? They only show a very small portion of what is going on in someone’s life…   Keep in mind that people often only post their best pictures, paint the best scenarios and only show the good, (which is human nature).  We don’t see what goes on behind the scenes. We can’t necessarily go back in time and look at their pasts and the hard trying times they have walked through to get to where they are now. Perhaps they don’t have it as good as we think they do. It really could be a Mirage.  

That “Green Eyed Monster,” as it’s often referred to, is alive and well in some of us.  While occasional feelings of jealousy are often nothing to worry about, when feelings of bitterness start to accompany jealousy, it can culminate into hurtful snide remarks and bitterness that may cause us to begin loathing a person or persons.  When it starts to spiral out of control in this way, it begins traveling down a destructive path that we’d better get a hold of.  When it gets to this point, friendships and family relationships can be destroyed.  

Have you ever had what you think is a normal conversation with a friend when a snide remark totally out of character for them, comes out of left field?  We are literally stunned.  With that deer in the headlights look, we ask ourselves, “Where in the world did that come from?  What is that suppose to mean?”

Or what about that relative or friend that can never compliment us or affirm us, but instead are quick to put us down or make derogatory remarks?  I remember sending out a Christmas letter that I put a lot of effort into with all of my grandchildren’s pictures.  I was beaming with pride.  The first words out of a relatives mouth was hurtful and snide.  They could have easily said, “Carole, your grandchildren are just beautiful.  I love this picture of your grandson in the Santa hat.  Did you make it?”  Any kind words would have been welcomed and strengthened me.  Instead the comments pierced my heart like a knife.  Sadly, I never sent out another Christmas letter.  Surely, it was my fault I allowed the curt words to discourage me to the point that I never sent out another holiday letter, but we must realize the magnitude of negative, bitter words that are spoken out of jealousy that have the power to destroy another!  And surely, we often do not know the state of a persons mind when we flippantly speak a derogatory word.  Our words could be the straw that breaks the camels back, sending them over the edge.  

I have a friend that recently received a hefty financial settlement from her ex-husband that’s enables her to buy anything her heart desires without a second thought.  She’s had multiple friends and relatives make jealous comments about her financial blessing when speaking of their own financial dilemmas, literally making her feel guilty for having received her settlement.

So, by now you see the big picture and where if not careful, jealousy and envy can spiral into bitter comments, quickly dividing friends and family.  

A few years ago I began setting healthy boundaries in my life and I’ve decided those who frequently make bitter, snide remarks out of jealousy, fall into the category of “TOXIC” and will not be a part of my life.  I have no time for it.  Even family members that operate in this manner will be held at arms length unless they choose to refrain from this unhealthy behavior.  It’s our choice what we will or will not tolerate in our lives.  If WE are not our own best advocate in life, who will be?  

As you may have noted in the above meme, the root of jealousy will always be INSECURITY.  Insecurity is defined as:  Not firmly fixed; not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious; self-doubting (Merriam Webster).

Confident individuals give compliments freely.  Building others up comes naturally to them.  They find joy in encouraging others and lifting others up. Surely in our current world, this is needed now more than ever! 

Don’t you want to be a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem in peoples lives?

If your answer is yes, I’d like to encourage you to begin working on building a secure foundation in your life, thereby a stronger identity. 

I used to be incredibly insecure.  I didn’t know who I was nor have a foundation until I gave my life to Jesus Christ and became born again.  Little by little I’ve grown in my walk with the Lord, and built a strong identity in him, enabling me to love Him, myself and others.  If this is something you’re interested in, feel free to contact me!  I’d love to help you find a new and beautiful life in Christ and kick Jealousy, Insecurity, Envy and Bitterness to the Curb!  If you don’t think this is your jam, no worries…

So if you’ve come to the conclusion, that the jealousy monster has been barking up your tree for longer than you’d like to admit, don’t be condemned. You are not alone! It happens to all of us. Finding our way out of this destructive behavior is ESSENTIAL FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS. FINDING A PLACE OF CONTENTMENT IS NOT SOME FAR OFF DREAM.

The over arching question here is, how do we deal with these feelings of insecurity?  How do we deal with this lack of confidence that causes us to look at others and think they have it so much better than we do? How do we kick “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence” mentality out the back door?

First, let’s look at a few scriptures from the New Living Translation of the Bible. Whether you’re a professing Christian or not, these provide great food for thought:

James 3:15:  “For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.”

Proverbs 24:7 tells us, “Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous.”

In James 3:14-16, James says this:  

“. . . if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.  For Jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, and spiritual and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil.”

As I read through these scriptures, it literally makes me cringe to think I’ve ever partnered with this vile, green monster! It’s simply not something I want in my life.  

James goes on to say, “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”

Here’s a Wonderful Biblical Guide to Overcoming Envy & Jealousy:

1. Put your focus on God’s love for you.
2. Find Your Identity in Christ.
3. Worship Helps You Overcome Envy & Jealousy.
4. Know You Are Uniquely Made.
5. Gratefulness Drives Envy Away.
6. Celebrate the Blessings of Others.
7. Giving To Others Frees You from Envy.

I truly hope this blog post on Jealousy helps you! Some of you may know I have been Life Coaching and doing Inner Healing work for over twenty years with individuals who need it. Don’t hesitate to message me on here or contact me on my Carole Dianne Designs Facebook or Instagram page! I’d love to help you on your healing journey!

Much Love, Carole