I had quite a lengthy list of “Jobs for Men” that I had to take care during my husbands deployments while he was in the U. S. Navy! I seriously had to put on my big girl panties, pull up my boot straps and face some things head on, like it or not. It’s safe to say, I grew a tiny bit, (okay maybe leaps and bounds), during those times. I had no choice but to get on those bad boy horses and ride. I’m not gonna lie…I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have? I was not only both mom and dad to our three kids while Gary was deployed, I had to hold down the fort and keep things moving as smoothly as possible. I remember one time Gary’s mustang breaking down in the middle of a busy road and a grumpy old man yelling at me. (I think he was just mad because he felt obligated to help me, which quite honestly I wish he’d let me sit there in the middle of the road until someone nice came along). Around this same time, I had to replace a battery in our Malibu and since I didn’t know anyone in our new neighborhood, I simply knocked on a couple of doors until I found an able bodied man I did not know to put it in my car. I got pretty brazen when I was desperate!
Backing up just a wee bit, when we found out we were transferring to Charleston, South Carolina I remember so distinctly a letter that came in the mail from my well meaning friend—Martha, whom I’d met in San Diego. She said, and I quote: “You are gonna hate the south! Not only is it incredibly humid, the snakes, the mosquitos, the insects and the flying Roaches… are horrible there.” FABULOUS! Just fabulous, I thought! (And by the way, they called these huge flying Roaches, “Palmetto Bugs.” They said they live in the Palmetto Trees! Was this some how glorifying these hideous creatures)?
Being the positive person that I am, with a stiff upper lip, I said to myself, Well, I’m just gonna think positive and form my own opinion. (I’ve learned not to listen to nay sayers, no matter how well meaning they are. After all, sometimes we really do end up loving what someone else hates and despises. Right)?
We stayed with family friends of ours we met in San Diego while looking for our own place. We had only been there a week when I witnessed our family friend grabbing a can of Raid and taking to all parts of the house on a mission to massacre these Roaches on Steroids. First one and then the other. And she’d clearly get these huge suckers until they were on their freakin’ backs all four hairy legs facing the heavens. They didn’t stand a chance against Mary Sue… (not her real name). As I think back, I’m sure that extermination was something out of the question with her husband deployed and three kids to feed and now two adult freeloaders.
Being the brave woman that I am and sleeping in one of the girls rooms with Strawberry Shortcake Sheets, do you have any unearthly idea where I’m going with this? Oh Lordy! I’d wake up in the middle of the night fixated on these Strawberry strewn sheets and suddenly visions of Roaches in bed with me began to pelt my mind. I was terrorized! This was not a good introduction to my determination to form my own opinion about the South and insects, much less flying Palmetto Bugs on steroids!
As long as I live I will never forget the first time I used Mary Sue’s restroom. I was on the toity and the wicker trash can beside me began to rustle. It literally began to shake, and I’m not exaggerating! I thought, “My God, there has to be a mouse under this thing. Nothing but something big could cause this much movement. I finished my business as fast as I could, positioned myself as far away as possible, and with an outstretched hand and forward lunge, I literally poked the trash can over—ready for mayhem. O. M. G, a Palmetto Bug on stilts scurried out. To this day I have no idea where it went from there. I wasn’t armed with Raid, so my only hope was that it didn’t end up in our bed that night along side one of the strawberries to freak me out more than I already was!
We lived in Charleston, SC. six years. Yes, it was humid, yes it was buggy, and much to my surprise Gary informed me that every time he mowed our lawn in government housing, he was “CONSTANTLY” running over snakes. According to him it was just a part of the landscape. They were every where. By the grace of God, miracle of all miracles, I never saw one while we lived there! We did by the way end up loving the southern hospitality and attempted to extend our stay there, to no avail… humidity and bugs galore.
Our next duty station turned out to be three years in our previous stomping grounds, San Diego. We were happy to be back in beautiful sunny California with the ocean breeze and reduced humidity. After our short stint in San Diego, Gary was selected as an a Chief Warrant Officer. While he flew to Pensacola, Florida for Officers training, the kids and I rented a short term apartment in Nebraska to be near family.
After his training we headed back to the muggy south and Jacksonville, Florida. Unfortunately, little did I know, the nightmare with Roaches on Steroids had just begun…
We rented a home in a nice neighborhood. (See the picture up above…The high window on the left hand side was our Master Bedroom, which will be significant). In the tight real estate market at the time, our rent was sky high. Needless to say, our budget did not include extermination. (Little did I know this was going to be a huge regret). Gary was gone when our household goods arrived, so I had the movers put all of our boxes in the two car garage to make unpacking more methodical. I’d grab one box at a time, pull it into the house and unpack it. It didn’t take long to discover these Roaches on Steroids were strategically planted all over the garage. I’d move one box to pull it inside and these roaches would scurry on out and begin flying through the garage, dive bombing me. There must have been an “X” on my forehead because a couple of them flew right into my face. They were every where. PTSD anyone? This was definitely traumatizing me to the very core of my being. Now, to keep these horrifying roaches out of our house!
After settling into our new church and getting to know some of the women, I mentioned these hideous creatures to one gal and the horror story began. She proceeded to tell me about being in her bed one night and feeling something cold drop on her face. She got up, turned on the light and didn’t see a thing. She turned off the light, went back to bed and felt the same thing once again. This time when she turned on the light she saw it fly off of her and scurry underneath her dresser. Luckily, she was able to locate him and kill him. (Just to let you all know, this did not make me happy. No trauma whatsoever after being dive bombed in the garage). My trying to sleep at night after those sketchy encounters was nil to none.
Not long after that, I caught a glimpse of one in MY BEDROOM on the cathedral ceiling. I was determined I would not be going to bed that night with that ugly sucker on my ceiling. No night time horror stories for me with close up encounters on MY FACE! I began to pray with every fiber of my being. Dear God, Puleeeeaaaassssse give me wisdom how to get this Roach off of my ceiling so I can sleep in peace tonight? As always, my Faithful Father came through! I immediately felt impressed to grab a nerf football with my can of Raid near by. Trust me, perfect aim is not something I’ve ever had much of. I think I hurled that football at the ceiling and my target about three times and the third time, I nailed him. He dropped to the floor stunned. I had just enough time to grab my can of Raid and drowned him in a half of a can. That night I slept in at least some semblance of peace with no other visible Roaches on Steroids. We only lived in that house one year because the landlord was a jerk and honestly, I don’t remember any other encounters after the nerf football and raid incident. I’m pretty sure, they gathered up their buddies and left town. After all, they knew their lives were doomed. They didn’t stand a chance…
